38w6d : Lather, Rinse, Repeat

WARNING : pessimistic bitchy attitude straight ahead. read at your own risk.

okay, internets, the most important part is that quinntin rusty anderson is here and he's healthy, beautiful, smells delicious, and is the prince of our hearts.

the part that astounds me and completely pisses me off (mosly at myself) is that it took both of us being in really sad shape for him to get here. i swore, didn't i, that there was no way we could have another birth go as bad as livie's did?!?! i shoulda kept my mouth shut!

i'm that VBAC that everyone who's against VBACs uses for their horror stories. my uterus ruptured in my 2nd hour of pushing. i lost a liter of blood. quinn was severely distressed and had to be on oxygen and sent to the NICU at birth. the "best" part (as in most fascinating to me) is that my uterus didn't rupture anywhere near the c-section scar...it ruptured in a totally different part (the top of my uterus ruptured). one thing that did happen with my old c-section scar, though, is that it trapped quinn by his chest. he was not able to move down into the birth canal b/c he was held in place by what my doc called a "contraction band", which was formed by the old scar.

i am EXTREMELY pissed at myself for even trying the VBAC, and especially for not trying harder to stand up for myself. my doc knew i didn't want a long labor and that i wanted to cap at 12 hours. well, we went to 17 despite the fact that i repeatedly stated and restated that i didn't want a long labor. i got no attention from my dr for the entire labor (4 5-minute visits), and my last nurse had her very own agenda...one being that she thought we were being pansie asses for asking for the c/s. just before i was wheeled down to the c/s room, she told me "you're healthy, baby is healthy, you can do this!! (rah rah ree)".

not so much. my doc discovered the rupture as soon as she got quinn out, and the NICU team stormed our c/s room once everyone saw that quinn was struggling hard. apparently, my uterus cannot do contractions correctly. starting from the point at which i was triaged, i had very long (up to 10 minutes long) contractions. the hospitalist who saw me in triage told me point blank that he didn't like my contraction pattern and that if it didn't change, he would recommend a c/s (i never saw him outside of triage, though). also, this time the contrax were super powerful. i made it to a 6 before i was begging for the epidural. with livie, i made it to an 8 before i consented to the epidural, and then i did so only to shut my dr. up...i didn't really need the epidural at 8...the contrax weren't that bad. i don't know what the numbers represent or what unit of measure they are calculated in, but my contrax with livie never went above 65-70. my contrax with quinn went up to the 130s and were never much more than 2 minutes apart (usually they overlapped).

it's now been 5 days since our little man got here, and i'm still in excruciating pain. i can't stand or sit comfortably. i can't use the restroom comfortably. i am miserable.

okay, i should stop whining! quinn is a fantastic baby. he has his nights and days crazily confused, but even the lack of sleep doesn't make him less adorable. we are formula feeding...my milk is still not in. we were 100% on the breast using SNS for a couple days, but the contrax combined with having two sets of stitches in my uterus were making me EXTREMELY sore and pretty much incapacitated. the saddest part of all this is that quinn really wants boobie. he gets so sad and frantic when he repeatedly latches on and there's nothing there for him...it's heart breaking.

i will post pics of the little man soon. and, i will post something A LOT more cheerful. i promise!