i got the call this morning that our remaining 5 embryos had stalled out/stopped growing, so we have no frosties from this cycle. this makes me sad, and it scares me a bit b/c it means that if this doesn't work, we're faced with another fresh cycle if we want to try again. *sigh*
on a more positive note, i have had a dream each of the last 3 nights that i was pregnant! in each of those dreams, i am pregnant with the twin boys i dreamt of having when i was pg with DD. okay, lemme back up a bit...
when i was 4 months pg with DD, we did not yet know her gender, but i had a very vivid dream in which i had a beautiful little round-faced, dark-haired, dark-eyed toddler girl helping me feed identical twin boys who had my long, thin face. my DD looks just like the little girl in that dream, and thus, i'm convinced that at some point, we will be having identical twin boys. i can dream, can't i :-)
i haven't yet peed on anything; i'm pretty proud of myself. but, i must confess, i just bought a set of early pg detection pee sticks. i plan to test late monday/early tuesday before the beta on wednesday. typically, i like surprises, but i am not sure i can stomach a call to tell me it's neg (if that is the case). i'd rather know before the call. and, if the pee sticks come out positive, that's even better!
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Journey Recap
- 08/04 Get Married. We already know that we're facing IF treatments to start our family.
- 08/04 thru 11/04 Think about IF treatments with excitement and awe. We actually spent most of our time joking around about how we'd have multiples.
- 11/04 Start the IF Roller Coaster - First doctor tells us to pursue a method of treatment that we know won't work for us. He knows it, too, but insists on 2 or 3 consultations before finally referring us to another RE. We wasted about 2 months with this doctor. The only thing he did for us was tentatively diagnose me with PCOS based on cluster of folicles he saw on my baseline sono.
- 01/05 Change doctors and start first IVF stim cycle. This cycle was HORRID. Dr put me on too high a dosage of folicle stimulating drugs, changed my schedule multiple times, ok'd me for travel, un-ok'd me for travel 2 hrs later (I was already on the plane), moved my retrieval up 4 days, retrieved 28 eggs, transferred 3 8-cell embies, got a positive pregnancy test, had low beta HCG numbers, but he told me i was definitely pregnant, 2 weeks later i wasn't pregnant according to a msg on my work VM, doctor told us none of the embies survived to blast/none were cryovacked, found out a week later that one embie had made it to blast and was on ice. Deal with severe OHSS during all this (no support from Dr. Nurse from another clinic provides urgent care help for this part of the disaster).
- 05/05 Change doctors AGAIN. This time, we are at Texas Fertility Center and we'r seeing Dr. Vaughn. We are VERY happy with this move. We start prep for FET cycle. I have a very sad/negative attitude, sure it won't work, just doing it to make hubby happy/keep him off my back about another fresh IVF cycle.
- 06/05 Transfer goes well. I leave the hospital with an incredibly euphoric/sure feeling that this was it.
- 07/05 Spotting. Ultrasound shows two pregnancy sacks, but only one has a baby in it. We lost a twin. We FREAKED...we thought they'd transferred the wrong kiddo. Turns out that the bug split, but her twin didn't implant correctly, and we lost her.
- 08/05 Finally exit the first trimester and allow myself to feel happy and excited. Gain weight like crazy.
- 09/05 thru 01/06 Enjoy an incredible pregnancy. Love every minute of it (ignorance is bliss). Around week 28, i develop high BP, headaches, and blurred vision. 2 weeks later, I start developing shooting pains under my right breast. I chalk it all off to work stress and bad eating habits. By week 32, my BP was coming up too high. Demanded weekly checks. Doc agreed for 3 weeks, and then released me to be on a normal prenatal exam schedule. I didn't trust this and got my BP checked weekly at my gym. Week 35 I feel bad, get my BP checked, and after 2 normal checks, it skyrockets. I go to the Dr and am diagnosed with severe preeclampsia; liver and kidney damage, high BP, bad headache. I'm induced that day, but the bug's not born until 2 days later in an emergency C-section. Lost 4 liters of blood, crashed repeatedly for about 16 hours, recovered, went home, found out I had a dangerous UTI that cultured with hospital grade bacteria (bad. very bad. could kill me and the bug). I go back into the hospital 2 more times and then end up pushing meds through a hep lock at home for 10 days before I finally get the all clear.
- 01/06 thru present day Enjoy mothering the most amazing little person in the world. I love every minute of it and feel incredibly blessed to be here!
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2 comments:
I totally get it. I do not like surprises on the phone. I've never had to deal with a BFN call but I've had to deal with the "No, you did not pass the bar" call. Oof! Scars you for life.
I think Monday sounds like a reasonable pee sticking day. I've had a positive as early as 7dp3dt but that was really pushing my luck and I don't advise it. Monday is downright sane, in my opinion! Just use the mack daddy tests and not the cheapos on the first day. :) The cheapos are for gloating with.
Hang in there... Monday is right around the corner!
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